I just read this in a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. I am so very glad that this isn't the way my parent's view things. I pray that I won't follow the world's pattern for children my age. (By the way, my thoughts are in blue.)
Don't take personally your teen's efforts to ditch you. How comforting...teens are trying to ditch their parents -- the very people God has blessed them with for guidance and discipline. Lord, help me to never ditch my parents. Help me to honor them like You command in Your Word and to listen to their advice. I don't want to be a fool...or have my eyes plucked out by ravens and eaten by vultures. (Yes, that is in the Bible. Proverbs 30:17.) Help me to be a dutiful daughter who listens to my parents direction. Teens need to define who they are apart from you. Uhh...no they don't. What happened to sons and daughters adorning and being a part of their households? Check out Psalm 144:12 and this post to better understand what I am saying. I want, most importantly to be defined by God, but I definitely don't want to be a rebellious daughter...who wants that identity? Give yours some solo time -- and a practice run at adulthood -- on your next family vacation by letting him visit a tourist spot alone or take his own day trip. Uhh...that's really messed up. They are called teenagers for a reason. A time between childhood and adulthood. Parents are there for a reason. Teenagers aren't ready for adulthood. There is a time for everything. Ugh.
Hopefully this doesn't come across as self righteous. I don't want to be that way.
12 comments:
I don't see it as self righteous, you've done some good thinking. Keep it up!
Bee
I also see GOOD, deep thinking!
I am always blessed by your thoughts and the way I see you live your life out to serve GOD and FAMILY!
I love you JE! :)
I agree, but on the second one, I would like to offer a second interpretation. "Teens need to define who they are apart from you." It is very true that teens need their parents guidance. Umm, I am trying to figure out how to say this best. Okay, it is good for little kids to believe things solely because their parents said and to do things because that is how their parents do it. However, I believe that the teen years are a time to transition from doing things just because "Mom and Dad said so" to "God commands it." This is important because the second reason carries so much more weight. If a teen were to get in a discussion on, say, purgatory, if he says, "I don't believe in purgatory because my Dad who is really smart says that it doesn't exist," do you think his friend is also going to believe that? Teens need to define their beliefs, their moral standards, their personal convictions apart from their parents. They need to define them on God and His word. Now, if their parents are basing their standards on God and His word, then the teens beliefs, moral standards, and personal convictions will end up being the same as their parents. Also, since our parents have much wisdom that we lack, this discovery of personal beliefs and convictions should be done under their leadership and guidance. The teen years are years for teens to develop their own convictions, based on God's word, under the guidance of their parents.
I am so glad you feel that way! You are an amazing daughter and very wise! I love you! Aunt Sis
I am so glad you get that. If only so many other teens did. You are an awesome person. I love you! Aunt Sis
I am so glad you see it that way. If just so many other teens did. You are an awesome person. I love you! Aunt Sis
Ruthie,
I totally agree with all that you said. I guess I was interpreting the statement made in the article differently...more as a "Teens shouldn't be defined as a part of the family. They need to become their own person apart from you." Does that make sense? I do see what you are saying though. I think it just depends on how you read the statement.
Thanks for commenting. I like seeing what other people think!
Love ya!
Jane Ellen
I agree with you on the first part. We should definitely not be trying to ditch our parents. It is our job to honor our parents. What is written in the ten commandments does not say honor your father and mother until you turn thirteen. In Deuteronomy, it does not give an age where you no longer have to honor your parents.
And I disagree with their idea of letting a teenager go off alone for a day on a vacation. That sounds a bit unsafe to me.
I am sixteen years old now. I don't want to be treated like a child anymore. In two years, I am going to be an adult. My parents and I both think that I am old enough to start making some of my own decisions. If I am ready to make a wise decision, they let me make it, but there are stil a lot of things that my parents decide for me. When it comes to the decisions I make, my parents still give me a lot of guidance, and as a responsible teenager, it is my job to listen to them.
I think that parents should show by example, and not necessarily by a bunch of rules. I think that makes it easier for teenagers learn to make better decisions on their own. My parents aren't strict at all with me, but rather, they have high expectations of me.
Melissa,
I see that we have very similar views, though it wasn't really apparent from my post. :) Let me clarify a little bit. When I said that teenagers aren't ready for adulthood, I didn't mean that they should still be treated like children. I believe that it is fine for parents to give teens more responsibilities and freedoms, but not to completely let go of the reins. It is a gradual process. When parents see growth and maturity, they can trust that their teens are going to make wise desicions and therefore they can allow them to make more desicions. But I believe that, especially for girls, the parents should have the final say in all things until marriage.
Those are my thoughts. Thanks for sharing what you think. I love to receive comments! :)
Jane Ellen
When you say that parents have the final say for all things before marriage, do you think that includes decisions such as college, working, etc.?
I like good discussions with a lot of thought put in them. :) That's another thing that seems different from a lot of teens today. Most teenagers don't seem like they like to think about deep things for very long
I deleted the first comment because it was a first draft (which means quite a few mistakes in it :)) and because I needed to make it clearer.
Melissa,
I haven't replied until now for several reasons. I've been busy trying to finish school, been on vacation and trying to come to terms with what I really and truly think on the topic you asked me. I believe I can now tell you what I think on this subject.
In answer to your question, yes, I do think that parents have the final say in ALL things before marriage including careers, colleges, etc. But, it shouldn't be a monarchial relationship where the teen has no say. It is a group effort. If I want to attend a certain college, I will definitely tell my parents about it and we can all look into it. But, in the end, it is my parents who will say either yes or no.
There might come a time where, for instance, there are two colleges that I would like to attend and my parents are supportive of both. After prayer and careful consideration, we can make a desicion together that will benefit all the best. Does that make sense?
Please tell me if my answer is unclear, or if there is something I have left unanswered! Does anybody else have any opinions on this topic that they would like to share?
I also want to stress that I do not think that I have it all right. I do not think that I know everything there is to know on the parent-teen relationship. These are merely my humble thoughts on this specific topic. Also, I don't want anything that I write on this blog to sound like I think that just because I said it, or because it is what I believe, that it must be right! I hope that this is clear.
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